Anonymous Guest Writer (Trophy Wife Hopeful)

It is time to address the internet’s newest obsession; the man, the myth, Keanu Reeves. With a recent flux in Keanu related content covering every corner of social media, I thought to myself, now is the time to tell my story. To share with the world, or at the very least the handful of Accession readers, my journey to law school, and how at the core of it all, lies the most ‘’breathtaking” human to have graced this beautiful earth.

It may seem tenuous to most, the relationship a renowned action star would have to a lowly student’s legal ventures but let us harken back to early 2001. A young child sits aglow in the lights of late-night television having swindled their babysitter into staying up far past bedtime, on the proviso that this wee girl watch ‘Bill & Ted’s excellent adventure’. For those of you unfamiliar with the 1989 spectacle, it regales the time-travelling escapade of the school slackers historical undertaking to give the best school presentation. Reeve’s breakout role exemplifies that even the lowliest can strive for academic success, so why stop at a measly school presentation, why not tackle one of the most complex and challenging degrees out there, use my sound knowledge of history to crush those first-year exams. ‘William the conqueror’ who??? Foreshore and Seabed Act, what????

On to what could perhaps be a more coherent line of thinking, Devil’s advocate is an inspiration to an aspiring lawyer. Kevin Lomax (Reeve’s title character) is a powerhouse in the courtroom, dominating trials and winning cases by toeing the brink of reasonable doubt. If that’s not just straight-up cool, I don’t know what is. What’s more, is the fantastical setting of the film cloaks the profession in an air of mystery and intrigue. This portrayal enticed a young, slightly terrified me into desperately wanting to take to the court and battle it out with the best of the best, all the while maintaining the cool, suave Reeves radiated.

Now to the heart of it. I am in love with Keanu Reeves. He’s a stand-up, genuinely lovely guy, with the humility only Kendrick could teach us. Now, I am a shoddy actor to be generous. This fact means that no matter what steps I take, we shall not be starring opposite each other in the next John Wick or better yet Lake House. Therefore, our chances of falling in love through a whirlwind romance onset are slim to none. However… There is another way — entertainment law. Every actor, even the esteemed Keanu, needs a lawyer to check over his contracts, support him in typical Hollywood matters, and even such menial processes as help him buy a house. In spite of Selene’s teaching, and knowing you really ought not to get with a client, I shall rise in the profession, I will represent Keanu, and we will fall in love. Law, my friends, is the only way.

So yes, there are many reasons the actor inspired me to pursue a career in law, from his persona, encouraging me to be most excellent to my fellow man, to his clear academic drive. But really, I just need ins.